If you do not yet know where you fit, I suggest you try seeking it in receptive silence. I used to walk amid the beauties of nature, just receptive and silent, and wonderful insights would come to me.
Often as a child I had a sense I didn’t belong. I wondered if I was an alien residing in a human body sent here to study planet earth. It wasn’t until I became a young adult that I realized this was a very common feeling. I’m not sure the reason why, but as I’ve gotten older I have allowed the questions of “why?”, “how?” and other unexplainable questions to have little to no importance in the NOW. Often times when difficult feelings or memories pop up you want to know the answer to the question,” why?”. Often times that question can’t be answered, especially when you have suffered abuse of some sort in your past, you will never know why that happened to you, there’s isn’t a suitable reason or explanation for that kind of suffering. If you sit with your feelings for a moment and feel ready for positive change it can happen whether or not you understand your past or remember where you have been. Those with an analytical brain will have more of a challenge when learning to quiet the mind, but the answers will come.
I am desperately missing this receptive silence, I now know how important this part of life was for my soul. The busyness of children, marriage and taking care of others has made finding that peacefulness difficult. I struggle daily with “letting” go. I have used this “receptive silence” at a few different cross-roads in my life and with reflection I realize the insights that came to me in those moments were the exact messages I needed to hear. Some call the messenger God, Allah, Yahweh, Parvargidar, Bhagavan, Great Spirit, Goddess and the list goes on as there are over 115 different names this type of guidance. Some call the receptive silence prayer, meditation, hypnosis and many other names for such a state of being. If you have ever been the recipient of such guidance you can call it whatever you wish, but know it is either divine advice or the innermost parts of your subconscious and is the best path for you to take. Sometimes what you know you should do is simply too difficult to do at that moment but it ultimately is for your greater good and if you stay stuck in the pattern you are in it will be a constant nagging feeling on your soul. I was with my first husband for 14 years, I had that “nagging” feeling we weren’t meant to be together for about 7 of those years. Ignoring my inner voice made me even more miserable than I already felt, but telling him I wanted to leave the marriage seemed more difficult than ignoring that voice. Always in my quiet contemplative modes (which were few and far between with 2 young kids at home) I just “knew” what I had to do for my health, happiness and for my own greater good. I knew I would never be able to be the person I was meant to be if I continued to ignore what I knew was my intended path. The day, the hour I told my husband that I wanted a divorce was a very difficult time, but once it was over tremendous loving and peaceful feelings swept over my soul. The next day I felt even lighter and even more free. I had 20 bucks in my checking account and didn’t know how I would pay my bills, but all of a sudden financial worldly matters didn’t effect me, I had listened to what my soul needed and followed my true path no matter how difficult. The true path isn’t necessarily an easy path, but because it is the right path for your inner self it will feel like you’re going with the current and not against it.
Today I find myself at another crossroads, a place where I am ignoring my greater good because of the impossible seemingly insurmountable obstacles in my way. It’s time to pay attention to that voice and find a part of me I’ve been missing for a very long time. It is hard to trust that which is invisible, but then again sometimes the things you see aren’t actually there.