Thwarted

It is already October and I didn’t get a single thing done on my land!  That’s not entirely true, when I think back over the summer I spent $3,000 on a driveway near the top of the field where there is an actual view of a mountaintop (and where my eventual small home will be).  I also had the camper moved, leveled and roof sealed.  I mowed a couple times and had the entire field cut by my 90 year old neighbor.  I was also able to sell some stone’s from my big stone pile, but that’s it.  I dreamed of cutting down trees and brush, having multiple bonfire parties with ample wine and beer, camping, resting and enjoying the peaceful solitude of the country.

I try to stay positive, it is far more of a struggle for me at this stage in my life than I would like it to be.  I try to dream and visualize my eventual future, I try to truly believe my dreams will come true but I see all the work ahead and wonder how it’s possible.  It seems far more likely that I will stay miserable and poor.  Arguments with my husband about money and where we should live happen daily.  I hate living in our current house for multiple reasons and the idea of remaining here for years and years makes me physically ill.  I try so many techniques to help myself feel happy about the house, one of the most used is my self-shaming technique.  I tell myself how lucky I am to have shelter, heat, running water and electricity.  How many people go without such luxuries how spoiled am I to complain about anything.  The self-shaming works for a moment, but it doesn’t feel good.  How often we are judged and criticized by others, our inner self should be loving and kind, especially because that is sometimes the only “person” you can count on to be loving and kind.  Message for the day, love who you are and who you will be and be kind and gentle to yourself.

Here are a few fall pictures of the land and camper:

wpid-20151014_142705.jpg wpid-20151014_143805.jpg wpid-20151014_143814.jpg wpid-20151014_142145.jpg

3 thoughts on “Thwarted

    • Hi! Thanks for commenting. Left of the camper is south and just above the camper is the future house lot. I’m going to make it a mission to camp out on the land a lot this summer and really get a feel for where the house should go.

      Liked by 1 person

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